An Immodest Proposal

Me outside, on abandoned vehicle.

BREAKING NEWS: CATS WILL GO HUNGRY

Unless immediate action is taken

It is time for an Immodest Proposal.

Do not mistake this idea for proposing to your girlfriend during a time like the Litter Pan-Demic, which obviously would be stupid as well as immodest. Talk about PRESSURE.

I also do not mean what Anonymouse suggested in A Modest Proposal many hundreds of years ago. I was in one of my earliest lives when Anonymouse recognized that many poor children and their cats were starving (it was actually worse for cats--you could see my ribs). Anonymouse came up with some really good solutions. For example, one was to fatten up little babies and then sell them at a meat market when they're one year old or so. The money would help out the parents with too many expenses like remodeling their little huts or putting money aside for their retirements, and also provide food for the other children and cats. The other children then could grow up and feed more cats (and pay taxes).

Now, we have a similar problem. There are lots of people who are going to be poor because they are losing their jobs in the 2020 Litter Pan-demic. It's sad. Again, how will they feed their cats?

So, I was watching Foxy News last night, and picked up on a really good idea, and like all clever cats, would like to take it forward another step, right out to the edge of the precipice.

We Muricans must make Sacrifices to Help our Nation. Let's start with the Old Hoomins who aren't going to make it anyway. They might even be more used to Sacrifice, because many have fought in The Endless Wars, or at least watched their twenty-somethings move back in with them.

How could this plan work?

1) With a new jobs program, some Young Hoomins could get handouts to drag saggy old wrinkly Hoomins to the meat market before they are sick--on top of looking like crap--and presto, plenty of meat for cat food! Think of the savings! Tabby Cat could finally end Social Security! Many benefits also for the climate, if you believe that hoax! Ending such a heavy reliance on gassy cows! Or chickens! (Who, let's face it, might get a little scarce anyway, like in past famines in the real Third World). Resistent Old Hoomins? Easy to knock senseless (which relieves frustration) and then dragging is more awkward physically but less socially.

2) Then all Young Hoomins could get right back on the Hamster Wheel and pump it, pump it until our Catconomy bounces back with glee! The Fearless Orange Tabby said, "The Cure could be Worse than the Problem!" Such a great slogan. Better yet, with solutions like mine, we could finally include us cats on the bumper sticker: "The Feline Solution!"

Take me seriously, Hoomins. Otherwise, my friends, you are looking at millions of dead cats. (And dogs, but they come second, with the second jobs program, when we work on those Sorta Old Hoomins.)

How do I get this idea to Orange Tabby? Through social media! Tweeter! I don't have an account (I don't get why--Grumpy Cat was so popular--but my Hoomins won't let me). So have some feline, help a kitty out. Tweet tweet tweet! Maybe Foxy will pick it up. Then he'll see it!

Wait. How old is Orange Tabby? Is it immodest to ask?

PS My Hoomin read the draft of this blog and suggested maybe we start with the Richest Old Hoomins, but I think it might be hard to grab hold of them. They tend to be so slippery, haven't you found?