The Litter Pan-Demic: All you need to know

CovidCat

All you need to know about the litterpandemic from a stable genius’s perspective 

Here I am, Sheltering in Place

SYMPTOMS OF THE VIRUS

Death

Unavoidable unless you have kept as fit as I have through yoga, particularly 250 downward facing dog poses/day and of course endless hours in corpse pose.

Social isolation

At first, this danger could be avoided by telling no one you have the sniffles, God forbid mentioning you had a low-grade fever or a cough. However, this time has passed. The only option is acceptance. Here’s the deal: We’re all contagious, so we should all isolate. If that makes no sense, it’s your fault.

Rage

Simple prevention: Avoid all media. ALL. Please heed this advice—to ignore it is unpatriotic. Should your spouse or other housemate turn on either local or cable news, or start reading to you from the internet (including this blogpost), stick your paws in your ears and yell NANANANANA. Remember when NPR had all the depressing reporting?

The Covid15

As a freshcat in my one and only semester at Baypath Humane, where I was a resident in Feline Mania (people underestimate my gifts in the medical field, but perhaps I should have gone into that instead of running for Princess), I trained with an expert in binge eating. These unprecedented times find me now chewing and spewing like the best of them. Avoid the Covid15 through a heavy reliance on bulimia, or tape your little mouths shut, hoomins. All that tuna doesn’t look like a too big pile of cans now, does it?

HEALTH & GROOMING DURING THE OUTBREAK

Look, who cares? Really! Groom once every three days just to avoid matting, and take those Insta selfies then. Immediately post. PS In case of hairballs, eat butter or fish oil. So not fake news.

ABOUT MY “OWNER”

Here’s the deal. Lisa is on the sofa with her laptop, enjoying some down time scouring www.wapo.com. Don’t bother her. Trust me, I’ve tried. The only way into the house she shares with my other slave oops “owner” is through the mail slot (newly installed). The last person who tried was sprayed in the face with Tilex. I think Cabbage did it. (Cabbage is the other feline in this house and I tell you she’s not dealing well at the moment. She could use some anti-anxiety meds, that one.)

I’ll be back tomorrow! Til then my home(ward)bound frenz! Stay safe—lick your paws! 
— Miko, the Money Cat