Cool Cats WFH

Remi likes holiday wear which is stoopid Ever since I was a kitten, I have been tortured by the Canine my Hoomins unfortunately chose before they adopted me. Her name is Remi, aka RemDawg, and she is very impolite. Today’s picture is of her, but I want to show you another one that confirms how stoopid she really is compared to us cats. RemDawg gets to ride in the car which I do not RemDawg and I have, over time, learned how to get along, which basically means this scenario: I tiptoe around her, she ignores me. Other times, she pounces at me, or sniffs me in my private places, which are our not-getting-along moments. Sometimes I sneak her food. Shhhh! Anyway I tell you this because really, Speciez can get along if they try. On the subject of such sniffing, I have discovered some really good blogs and videos online for this Stressful Time for Pets caused by Indoor Hoomin Time. Stick with my storytelling style for a paragraph or so, and you will see where I am going with...

My hoomin’s nest is pictured here. She had a few dicey days and nights, but her doctor told her to say home. As in don’t bother to come in unless you are mostly dead. Now she says she is well enough to shower. Hoomins do that. I can always lick, but there is one spot on my back I can’t reach. When I get a catlick from it, my Hoomin tries to brush it with this brush of nails that hurt me so badly I cannot stop from hissing. The only thing worse is when she comes after my claws with this steel knife clip thing and destroys my Pride. Here is what happened to my Hoomin in order of days if you think you might be suffering from Catvid19: Hotness like when you lie in the sun too long Running nostrils Coughing up hairballs only no hairballs come up Needing 12 naps instead of 8 Waking up earlier than usual and not wanting to knock objects off furniture Having no desire to claw furniture Lying on furniture longer than usual and in the same spot Fang ache Really bad feeling in...

Me outside, on abandoned vehicle. BREAKING NEWS: CATS WILL GO HUNGRY Unless immediate action is taken It is time for an Immodest Proposal. Do not mistake this idea for proposing to your girlfriend during a time like the Litter Pan-Demic, which obviously would be stupid as well as immodest. Talk about PRESSURE. I also do not mean what Anonymouse suggested in A Modest Proposal many hundreds of years ago. I was in one of my earliest lives when Anonymouse recognized that many poor children and their cats were starving (it was actually worse for cats--you could see my ribs). Anonymouse came up with some really good solutions. For example, one was to fatten up little babies and then sell them at a meat market when they're one year old or so. The money would help out the parents with too many expenses like remodeling their little huts or putting money aside for their retirements, and also provide food for the other children and cats. The other children then could grow u...

Once, Hoomins didn’t understand my pain ... To Governors of California, New York, and Illinois Can you guys give Governor Baker a call? He’s in Boston, on Bacon (the pork kind) Hill. I’m sure you can find his number. He’s an Elephant, and you’re all Donkeys. Clue him in anyway, even though he’s a different Speciez? Lockdown, my Hoomins say, is a learning opportunity. Hoomin Lockdown will show Hoomins what happens when they do this cruel thing to us. Note photo above, as I tried to escape my first summer living with Hoomins. No natural hunter gatherer should be confined like this! It’s INHOOMIN. The only way Hoomins will learn is through experiencing it themselves. They’re kinda … you know, slow. And Speciezist. To Foxy News You’re scaring me. You said it was all a hoax. Now you’re saying we’re all gonna die. Which is it? And can cats catch it? Dogs? Fish? Gimme it straight up. To the US Congress Why didn’t anyone clue me in regarding a chance to sell off my...

Breaking News:  Hoomin Catastrophe Spreading Cabbage, aka Sybil Reports of My Death have been Greatly Exaggerated I’m okay. Really. There is NO EVIDENCE  that The Catastrophe affects cats, which in itself is hard to grapple with, but there it is. Still, it’s been kind of a rough day here on Quarantine Day #6. First, my sister, Cabbage, pictured above. She’s very cranky today, even more than usual. (There’s a reason our neighbor Susie calls my sister ”Sybil.” She is moody, moody, moody, some say a real Sauerkraut.) My sister brings these moods on herself. For example, above, she is watching Cable News, which as of a Media Advisory earlier today has been declared as Dangerous To Pets as to Hoomins.  I am worried about her, even though she has always treated me with disrespect (well, more like hate, but I forgive her because some cats are sicker than others—she has a past). Sometimes it’s so uncomfortable to live with her that although my Hoomins ...

CovidCat All you need to know about the litterpandemic from a stable genius’s perspective  Here I am, Sheltering in Place SYMPTOMS OF THE VIRUS Death Unavoidable unless you have kept as fit as I have through yoga, particularly 250 downward facing dog poses/day and of course endless hours in corpse pose. Social isolation At first, this danger could be avoided by telling no one you have the sniffles, God forbid mentioning you had a low-grade fever or a cough. However, this time has passed. The only option is acceptance. Here’s the deal: We’re all contagious, so we should all isolate. If that makes no sense, it’s your fault. Rage Simple prevention: Avoid all media. ALL. Please heed this advice—to ignore it is unpatriotic. Should your spouse or other housemate turn on either local or cable news, or start reading to you from the internet (including this blogpost), stick your paws in your ears and yell NANANANANA. Remember when NPR had all the depressing reporting?...